Many of the more level-headed among us had a feeling that this team wouldn’t open up Yet-To-Be-Decided-Corporate-Sponsor Stadium with Wade Phillips at the helm. Or at least, that’s what we hoped.

Come on. Wade Phillips? A head coach who has never won a playoff game in his long, long, NFL career? A man who has just presided over quite possibly one of the most embarrassing seasons ever for your Dallas Cowboys? A character who, in terms of the always important marketability angle, is more likely to cause fans to part with their hard earned dollars for a multitude of various prescription and non-prescription drugs as opposed to personal seat licenses?  

So it was no real surprise when I logged onto the interweb recently and found out, officially, that he’s no longer running the show. Sure, there had been evidence before. Hints dropped here and there. But now we know for sure. Ladies and Gentlemen, the Head Coach for the 2009 Dallas Cowboys will be…. Jerry Jones.

Head Coach Jerry Jones. To be honest, I wanted to come up with a catchier moniker for the old-new big man, one that would appropriately characterize his role as Owner/General Manager/Head Coach/Team Physician/Quality Control/Character Consultant for the organization. But with “slash” already taken by Kordell Stewart, and “solidus,” while appropriately sinister, sounding more like one of the Transformers, I’m just not creative enough to do better (aside: work in Jerry Jones reconstructive face surgery angle here? Take this down). Maybe Jerry/Jones? Ehh.

So Head Coach Jones it is. And why not?

• He already decides what schemes we’ll run (Was Phillips the best coach available? Or the best 3-4 coach available?).
• He already decides if players are being utilized correctly.
• He’s already refused to bring in much needed help for former head coach Wade Phillips, and, in refusing to hire him a Defensive Coordinator, essentially relegated him to that role.
• He already sets the fines for players who break team rules.
• He’s already the guy that players go to when they have complaints about other coaches or players.
• He’s already the guy that gives pre- and post-game pep talks in the locker room and on the sidelines.
• He’s already the guy that looks at the X-Rays on injured players.
• He already sits next to Wade during Press Conferences and probably has provided him with note cards with what he’s supposed to talk about on them.

Now we find out that Jerry has issued a gag order on coaches speaking to the media. That’s right. Today, Wade Phillips announced to the press that it’s “against the rules” for him to speak to reporters at the combine. Since when is it “against the rules” for a head coach to discuss things with the media as he sees fit? The head coach is the one who makes the rules. One can only come to the conclusion that Ex-Coach Wade Phillips doesn’t have the authority to perform any of the normal duties that are in Jerry/Jones’ sphere of power. That’s quite a demotion for Wade Ex, but luckily for the team, his ego is as small as the number of playoff wins he has.

Head Coach Jones has been keeping this under wraps, of course, possibly as some kind of deception to fool our slate of 2009 opponents. But I say, let’s just end the confusion so that our players and staff, and opponents and media alike, all are informed of the proper chain of command. And so I reach the point of this entry; I think we should all be calling him “Head Coach Jerry Jones.” It’s clearly what he wants. I would pay good money to hear one of you Dallas area journalist types call him “Head Coach Jerry Jones” to his face in a press conference. Randy? Jen? I’m looking at you.

Here’s the trick, though. Wait until he’s up on the podium holding Wade Ex’s hand again. Then, when it’s time for the question and answer session, and you are called on, say, “This question is for Head Coach Jones.” That way, we can get maximum exposure and maybe this tidbit will get leaked into other media sources.

Now, I’m sure some of you are thinking that I’m mocking Head Coach Jones. Nothing could be further from the truth. I merely want to expose to the world the real person who is responsible for the state of our team. See, Head Coach Jones has this annoyingly modest habit of making the fans think that someone other than himself is the one deserving all the credit. Sure, he likes to remind us over and over again that he will never, ever, till the day he dies relinquish complete control over the franchise. But just when you think he’s going to step out from behind the curtain and get what’s coming to him, he goes and makes a statement, something like, “We spent the last four years doing it Bill’s [Parcells’] way.”

Don’t be shy, Head Coach Jones. It was your way. We all know you told the Tuna which player he was going to draft with his very first draft pick with the team. We all know that you hired players that he didn’t want (Parcells clearly didn’t know what was good for him!). We all know you made him compromise on Quincy Carter and Chad Hutchinson and Troy Hambrick and maybe even Mike Zimmer.

Jerry/Jones, you are the one who has been running the team from behind the scenes this past decade and a half. People need to see the “real” you. You earned all those 9 and 10 win seasons. It’s about time people started giving you exactly what you deserve.

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